


Forgive Me

by LittleShinikami



Series: Louder Than Words [1]
Category: Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 2
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 08:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleShinikami/pseuds/LittleShinikami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Archer is seriously injured on a mission, he realizes he hasn't always treated Toad the way he ought to be treated. And Toad begins to see that Archer isn't the stoic man he thought he was..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Get down!" Toad screamed.

Archer barely had time to leap away as a stray RPG exploded near the sniper's position. White hot pain ripped through his side as he landed a few feet away. His head bounced off the ground and stars flashed before his eyes. For a moment all he heard was his frantic heart beat pounding in his ears. As his hearing returned he vaguely heard Toad screaming his name. He placed a hand on his side, it was wet and sticky. He brought his hand up to his face it was covered in his own blood. Shit, he must have been hit. How bad was it?

"Archer!" Toad cried. He was kneeling over Archer his grey blue eyes full of panic.

Archer tried to speak and choked, tasting copper. Blood bubbled out and ran down the side of his face.

"Archer's been hit! Repeat! Archer's been hit!" Toad called into his radio, panic now seeping into his voice.

He frantically pulled up the sleeve of Archer's ghillie suit and injected him with something. Archer shuddered and felt his consciousness slipping away. There was so much pain.

"Shit, shit, shit," muttered Toad. "Archer, stay with me. You can't pass out now." He patted Archer's face trying to keep him awake. "You can sleep when we get to the bird."

Archer looked up at Toad, his vision was blurry and he could barely make him out. He felt Toad's hand on his shoulder, it was shaking.

"I'm not… that lazy… mate," said Archer gasping. More blood trickled out of his mouth.

Toad smiled weakly at him. "I know, I know. Just stay with me okay?"

Archer tried to nod, but he was in too much pain. Toad was attempting to bandage up the wound as much as possible, but he didn't have much to work with. Archer grit his teeth in pain.

"Just hold on, man, Ghost and Roach are on their way."

Archer tried to answer, but choked on blood and began to cough. Pain ripped through his side and he cried out. He thrashed and Toad placed both hands on his shoulders, holding him down.

"Fuck, Archer, don't move you'll make it worse." Toad's voice was strained with worry. Archer squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth, trying not to move.

"Bloody hell," said a voice that Archer recognized as Ghost.

He lifted his head slightly to look up at them. Roach and Ghost were trotting up to Toad and Archer.

"Oh fuck," said Roach when they approached, his face paling. "That's bad."

"I know," snapped Toad. "We need to get him out of here."

"Toad grab one of his arms. I'll take the other. Roach you take point," said Ghost pulling one of Archer's arms over his shoulder.

"Yes, sir."

" _Bird's on its way. Ten minutes to dust off_ ," came MacTavish's voice through the radio.

"Roger that. We've got Archer and are on our way," replied Roach.

Toad took Archer's other arm and him and Ghost hauled Archer to his feet. A hoarse cry left his throat as pain ripped through his body. He could feel the blood oozing down his side, soaking his ghillie suit.

"Hang on Archer, we're gonna get ya outta here," said Toad, but his voice was shaky.

Toad and Ghost half walked, half dragged him through the jungle toward the LZ. Archer's vision began to tunnel, pain shooting through his body with every step they took. He could barely hear anything his heart was pounding so loudly in his ears. He went to take a deep breath, but choked and coughed, blood dribbling down his chin. He let his head go limp, his chin resting on his chest. He vaguely heard someone calling his name.

"Archer!" Toad yelled at him.

Archer opened his eyes and looked over at Toad, barely lifting his head.

"You have to stay awake," he said, desperation in his voice.

"I… know…" said Archer weakly. He coughed again, more blood coming up. He felt Toad's grip on his ghillie suit tighten. He looked up into his spotter's grey blue eyes. They were full of concern, his face contorted with worry. "I'm… trying…" he gasped, a violent shudder running through his body.

" _Ghost, where the hell are you_?" MacTavish's voice crackled in the com.

"Nearly there, sir" Ghost replied. "Come on mate, let's move!"

Archer gritted his teeth and forced his legs to move, trying to help his friends. Suddenly they burst out of the jungle into a clearing, wind from the chopper blades whipping at their faces. A flicker of hope and relief washed over Archer. They quickly made their way over to the chopper. MacTavish's eyes widened slightly when he saw Archer.

"Bloody hell, what happened?" he yelled over the noise of the chopper when they were near.

"Stray RPG, sir," said Toad, his voice strained.

Roach jumped up into the chopper to help Toad and Ghost. Archer cried out in pain as they lifted him into it, laying him out on the metal floor. Ozone knelt down next to him and began to attempt to stop the bleeding. The others got into the chopper and took their seats, except Toad who knelt on the other side of Archer as the bird lifted off.

"Fuck," groaned Archer, his head rolling to the side, eyes squeezed shut.

"Stay with me Archer. You can't rest quite yet," said Ozone.

Toad set a hand on Archer's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. He opened his eyes and looked at Toad. His partner's eyes were full of fear, but he attempted to give Archer a small smile. "You'll make it, Archer, don't worry."

"More worried… 'bout you, mate," Archer rasped. "Look like… you're gonna faint."

Toad laughed nervously and squeezed Archer's shoulder again. But Archer could feel his hand trembling. The poor kid was terrified and if Archer was honest with himself, so was he. They had been a team since the day Toad joined the 141. Their personalities couldn't have been more different, Toad brash, loud and somewhat cocky and Archer quiet, reserved and as stoic as possible, but they had developed an unbreakable bond. Death was the only thing that would ever break that bond, and here he was, staring it in the face as he lay on the floor of a chopper, fighting for his life.

He lifted his arm and placed his hand over Toad's, gripping it as firmly as he could. He had never told Toad how much he meant to Archer. They had become closer than brothers. Archer had always assumed that Toad knew he cared about him, that his actions had showed he cared. Staring up at Toad memories suddenly came rushing back. Memories of harsh words spoken, words that had cut Toad to the bone. Maybe his actions _hadn't_ shown that he cared. Regret filled Archer's heart that he had treated his partner, his _friend_ , that way and that he would never have the chance to tell him he actually cared about him.

"Chris."

Toad's eyes widened and he leaned closer to Archer. "I'm here."

"I'm… sorry," he whispered, giving Toad's hand a squeeze.

Toad frowned in confusion. "For what?"

But Archer couldn't answer, his strength was slipping away. His vision began to blur and go dark at the edges. His grip on Toad's hand lessened, he felt so weak. His eyes widened slightly as a realization struck him.

_I'm going to die._

Toad must have seen it in Archer's face and come to the same realization, because suddenly his eyes were filled with panic. He grabbed Archer's hand, holding it in a vice like grip and began yelling Archer's name over and over again telling him not to die and to hang in there. Toad's panicked, terror stricken face was the last thing Archer saw as he descended into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Toad stood outside the hospital room where Archer was, wondering if he really should go in. He hadn't seen Archer since they put him on a gurney and whisked him away after they had landed. That was over 24 hours ago. His heart pounded in his chest. He swallowed hard, emotions threatening to get out. He was happy Archer was alive, but he was afraid that if he went in he wouldn't be able to hold back the emotions that had been raging inside him since Archer first got hit. The last time he had cried had been when his mother died of cancer years ago. He took a shaky breath. It was probable that Archer wouldn't even be awake for another 24 hours. He opened the door and walked into the room.

He paused and looked at his partner lying on the hospital bed. He was slightly unnerved by how many wires and tubes were coming out of him. The heart rate monitor beeped steadily. He closed the door and walked over to the side of the bed. He lightly rested his hands on the railing of the bed and studied Archer's face. His reddish brown hair was matted against his head and a layer of stubble had grown. But his face was relaxed and peaceful.

"Ian…" Toad whispered. Archer didn't stir. He swallowed hard, feeling his throat tighten and tears form in his eyes. His grip tightened on the railing as he attempted to push back the tears. He was closer to Archer than anyone else in his life and the fact that he had nearly lost him had shaken him. He knew that losing people was a part of the job and he thought he had prepared himself for it. Turns out, he hadn't.

"I'm really glad we didn't lose you," he said quietly. A few tears slipped out and spilled down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away, taking a shaky breath. He was grateful that Archer wasn't awake. He didn't want to appear weak in front of him. No matter how close they were Toad's pride and competitive spirit wouldn't let him cry in front of Archer.

He hauled himself up on the chair next to the bed and continued to watch Archer. How long he sat there he didn't know. Memories and emotions played through his mind as he watched the sleeping sniper. They had truly become a team, so much so that it was almost eerie how well they read each other. One glance, one casual move of the hand and they knew what the other was thinking. Even as stoic as Archer was, Toad had learned how to read him.

He ran a hand through his short blond hair as he remembered the look on Archer's face after he had apologized. It was as if Archer had realized he was going to die. And Toad had seen that in his face and panicked. He frowned as he remembered Archer's last words in the chopper. Why had he said he was sorry? What was he sorry for? Had he thought he was going to die and was sorry for that? But here he was, alive, so it didn't matter. Unless he had meant something else… Toad shook his head. Maybe when Archer woke up he would ask him about it.

Sighing, he got up and headed for the door. He would come back tomorrow when, hopefully, Archer would be awake. He opened the door and looked back over his shoulder at his partner one last time. He bit his bottom lip and thanked whatever deity was out there for sparing Archer's life. With that, he walked out the door.

.

The next day Toad was again standing out side Archer's hospital room. He took a deep breath, not wanting to get emotional again like the day before, and entered the room. The same scene greeted him as the day before and he walked over to the bed. He placed his hands on the railing and Archer stirred. Green eyes opened slowly and blinked and squinted against the light. He looked up at Toad and frowned.

"Chris?" he asked hoarsely.

Toad smiled. "Hey man."

Archer tried to say something else, but swallowed heavily instead. Toad realized his throat was probably dry and walked over to the sink at the end of Archer's bed. He felt Archer's eyes on him as he removed a plastic cup from the cabinet above the sink and he couldn't decide if it was comforting or unnerving. He filled the cup with water and brought it back to Archer. He took the small cup in his big hand and shakily brought it to his mouth. Toad looked away. It was weird seeing Archer so weak.

"Thanks, mate," he said quietly.

"You're welcome," said Toad taking the cup from him and disposing of it. He pulled himself into the chair next to Archer's bed. "How do you feel?"

"Like shite."

Toad just nodded, his lips pursed.

"How long was I out?"

"Almost 48 hours."

Archer's eye brows shot up and his eyes widened. "Bloody hell… that long?"

"Yeah," said Toad softly, looking away.

"Was it… is it that bad?"

Toad swallowed heavily and rubbed his hands on his jeans, attempting to push back the emotions that were bubbling up in his chest. "When they were operating on you… they almost lost you twice." He looked at Archer out of the corner of his eye. He had turned his head and was watching Toad intently. "And you died once." He swallowed again and finally looked back at Archer.

"Shit," Archer breathed, leaning back against the pillow and staring at the ceiling.

Toad had no idea what to say, so he clasped his hands together and simply watched Archer. He laid there for a few minutes, emotions that Toad had a hard time deciphering passing across his face.

"I didn't mean to worry you, mate," he said softly, looking over at Toad.

Toad shrugged, but it felt forced. His mouth suddenly felt dry so he chose to remain quiet again. Tears began to fill his eyes and blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. Archer just watched him, remorse clearly evident in his green eyes. Finally Toad cleared his throat awkwardly.

"When we were in the chopper… you said you were sorry. What did you mean?"

Archer looked away, sighing heavily. He fidgeted with the blanket and Toad knew that meant he was nervous. He furrowed his brows, contemplating what to say.

"I…" he closed his mouth and sighed again. He turned his head and looked over at Toad. "Laying there in the chopper… thinking I was probably going to die… I realized that I've treated you like crap."

Toad's eyes widened in surprise. He had not been expecting that at all.

"There've been so many times I've said horrible things to you. Things that were meant to hurt you."

Toad frowned. "What do you mean?"

Archer swallowed. "Like the time I said replacing you as my spotter would be easy."

Toad flinched slightly, unable to stop the reaction as the painful memory resurfaced. He thought he had gotten past that. Sure, it had hurt at the time and he had drowned himself in vodka to ease the pain, but he had tried to bury it and move on. He wouldn't even admit to himself that he hadn't been able to get over it, that it had hurt that much. And here he was reliving that painful memory and realizing that Archer's opinion of him meant more to him than he was willing to admit. He felt his chest constrict and his hands began to shake as long buried emotions came rushing to the surface.

Archer's eyes were full of remorse and Toad watched as tears began to pool in his eyes. He leaned back and put a hand over his eyes, his chest heaving with shaky breaths.

"Fuck…" Archer whispered. "Chris… I'm so sorry." Tears trickled out from behind his hand and rolled down his cheeks.

Toad swallowed and rubbed his hands on his pants nervously. He had never seen Archer cry. The closest he got was when he was wounded, but he was hardly ever emotional about anything. And here he was, apologizing to Chris and crying.

Archer wiped his face with his hand and looked over at Toad. "I didn't mean it. No one could ever replace you. I can't imagine being partners with anyone else. I… I trust you with my life."

Toad's eyes widened. How long had he been waiting to hear those words? Ever since Archer had said he could be replaced he had wondered if Archer even trusted him. And now, not only had he said he trusted him, but he had told him that he was irreplaceable.

"Can you forgive me?"

Toad nodded. "Of course. You're my friend." He took a deep breath. "It… it's no big deal." He looked away quickly, uncomfortable with all the emotions he felt and the ones he could see in Archer's eyes.

"Chris…"

He suddenly felt Archer's hand on his arm. He looked down at the scarred and gun calloused hand on his forearm, physical contact was something they both avoided as much as possible with each other. He was unsure as to what the gesture meant. He looked up at Archer and pursed his lips together. Archer had an almost pleading look on his face.

"Please… I need to hear those words. Will you forgive me?"

Toad suddenly realized what Archer wanted. He wanted to hear Toad say he forgave him. He looked into Archer's eyes. "Yes… I forgive you."

Archer let out a breath he was holding, sighing heavily, relief flooding his features. He gave Toad's arm a small squeeze before letting go and leaning back into the bed, closing his eyes. "Thanks, mate," he murmured.

Toad looked away and took a deep breath attempting to calm himself.

"Toad?"

"Hmmm?"

"There's, ah, something else I need to tell you…"

Toad looked over at Archer and saw that he was fidgeting in the bed, a sure sign that he was nervous and maybe even uncomfortable with what he was going to say next. Toad swallowed hard realizing that the situation was probably about to get even more emotionally charged then it already was.

Archer looked at Toad out of the corner of his eye. "I… I've never really told you how much you mean to me."

Toad's eye brows shot into his hair line. What the hell was wrong with Archer? He _never_ talked about this kind of stuff and here he was going into emotional things not once, but twice. Toad briefly wondered if they had saved the wrong guy. Archer had turned his head and was looking at him again.

"I just want you to know that I, you know, care about you."

Toad shifted uncomfortably in his chair, completely at a loss for words. An awkward silence descended as he tried to push back the emotions rising in his chest. He had always known Archer cared, but to actually hear it from his mouth… It made Toad ridiculously happy and tears formed in his eyes.

"Thanks," he said softly. A few tears escaped and he quickly wiped them away.

"No shame in emotions."

Toad laughed softly. "This coming from Mr. emotionless."

Archer sighed heavily and tried to feign irritation. "I'm not made of stone you know."

Toad's face softened. "I know man, I know." He set a hand on Archer's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. A smirk suddenly formed on his face. "Just don't go soft and mushy on me."

Archer cocked an eye brow and snorted. "Twat."

Toad grinned. "Always."

He was relieved that the serious and emotional atmosphere was dissipating and things seemed to be going back to normal. Archer took a shaky breath and leaned back into the bed, closing his eyes.

"I should let you get some rest."

"Thanks, mate."

Toad stood up and headed for the door. He paused when he placed his hand on the door handle, emotions bubbling up again. He looked back at Archer.

"Hey, Ian…"

Archer turned his head and looked at him. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Archer smiled. "You're welcome mate."

Toad smiled as well and then quickly left the room. As uncomfortable and awkward as it had been, it had no doubt drawn them closer. He now knew one hundred percent, without a doubt that Archer not only cared about him, but trusted him. Even if they never spoke like that again, Toad knew that Archer would always feel that way. And that was more than enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this before I really had fleshed out their characters. I could probably go back and write it better, but eh. *shrugs*  
> Also, this site has an appalling lack of COD fanfiction. I shall remedy that. :P

**Author's Note:**

> This is a oneshot over on fanfiction. But I felt like splitting it up.


End file.
